


My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation

by tastinglove



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Couch Cuddles, Flirting, Fluff, Introspection, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastinglove/pseuds/tastinglove
Summary: Set after we find out Harry is homeless due to being kicked out by Tony. Who might help out our damsel in distress?“Yeah. You could say that. Either way it looks like the story between the two of us has come full circle. With me being homeless and you playing the knight in shining armor.”





	My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there,
> 
> this is over 4k of Jarry created out of boredom caused by a lack of content and wasted potential for this couple. Shame on you, Hollyoaks.

The air was getting colder as late summer turned into unforgiving autumn. Crossing his arms across his chest, he tried to stop himself from starting to shiver. The fake fur on his jacket serving as a pillow, the thin sleeping bag and cardboard under him the only things separating him from the chilly ground. All he could to do to distract his mind was stare at the grey sky and try to decipher the graffiti covering the walls around him for the millionth time. He knew it was to no avail though. Knew that nothing could relieve him from the plaguing thoughts and inevitable nightmares. The worst thing was that he knew he deserved it. All of it. Every miserable moment, every night spent away from warmth, family and friends. He had taken someone else’s life. It was only fair that everything was taken from him now as well. 

“Get a grip.” he murmured to himself. Purposefully willing his lower lip not to quiver. He wouldn’t allow any self pity. It wouldn’t help anyone. And pity in general was just another thing he was undeserving of. He fucked up and there was no way to fix things. All he could do now was live with it and make sure it would never happen again. Even if that meant isolating himself completely. 

“Well that’s just great.”, he dejectedly said out loud as he first felt the wind increasing and then a shiver run down his spine as the cold got through his thin t-shirt. The leaves around him rustling away created the only sound near him. Sometimes at night the pipe on the stone wall would creak and wake him up, he would be sweating out of fear, feeling completely disoriented. Over the days he noticed the dirty moss on the same wall getting moister, darker in color after each rainfall and he knew the bad weather conditions were a definite threat to his health and well-being. He had thought about renting a motel but was aware that his small amount of money would run out soon. For just a couple seconds, he had indeed considered contacting his mother. But he knew he would only bring sorrow to her if she found out about his secret as well. He didn’t want her to have to bare this burden with him. Didn’t want to drag anyone else down. He had done enough of that lately. 

It’s not like he was stupid. He knew he had to find somewhere else to stay soon. He couldn’t stay here forever. Winter would creep up on him soon enough and that was not something that would just leave him with a bit of a cold. He just didn’t know what to do. Sighing, he pulled his backpack closer and then on top of him. The slight weight on him and the fabric felt good, comforting. Almost like something he could snuggle up to. It was pathetic, really. He had been craving human touch ever since he had been kicked out. The last of that he had experienced was his dad forcefully shoving him away like a disgusting beast that needed to be eradicated. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list. Zack’s name popped up immediately as his friend had been trying to reach him. Harry knew he could probably find shelter at his place but he was tired of having to lie to people and pretend like everything was just fine. Zack had enough issues on his own already, he didn’t need to add to that. 

He swiped his thumb until Ste’s contact was visible. He did miss Ste. And he knew that the older man had a loving and forgiving soul at his core but he couldn’t stand the way he looked at him any more. Like Harry was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. He knew he couldn’t be with someone like that. Maybe it was for the best. Their relationship had always been rocky. Exhausting at points. Perhaps it was just another thing that wasn’t meant to be in Harry’s life. Letting go of Ste seemed to be getting easier day by day. The man had a very special place in his heart, no doubt, but he was also part of a chapter in Harry’s life he now wanted to move on from. It was the right thing to do, for both of them. It hurt, but it wasn’t unbearable. Licking his dry lips, he looked down at the engagement ring he was still wearing. It seemed like a lifetime ago since he had asked that question. Like two different Ste’s and Harry’s in an alternate universe, desperately clinging onto that shred of happiness they felt when they were together. Like that ring was symbolising some unspoken pact of ignoring the worst in one another as long as it meant they wouldn’t be alone. It had always been on the brink of being unhealthy, that addiction they felt for one another. One of them had been fighting addiction their entire life, the other had never felt anything as strongly before. Doomed to fail, really. In the end, it always seemed like Harry was giving everything and not receiving anything in return. He didn’t know if Ste was afraid to give in or if he just didn’t care enough. Maybe it was a combination of both. That break up, compared to all other things going on in his life right now, was manageable. Two days ago he had a taken a bus to the pawnshop located a town away from Hollyoaks. With slightly shaking hands he had passed the ring over to the salesman and asked for its value. It wasn’t a lot, of course it wasn’t. 

“Did your girlfriend leave your or something? You seem like a decent lad.”, the guy behind the counter had asked. He had no name tag. His beard was oddly full compared to his dwindling hairline, both an ashy shade of grey. 

“I’m…. I..no. I just, I messed up.”, Harry had stuttered. 

“Well, the positive thing is you’re gonna get a couple hundred pounds out of this, eh? So who’s the real winner in the end? That’s the way you gotta look at these things young man”, the man had cackled. As he was laughing, his face turned an ugly blotchy red. 

Harry had quirked a quick thanks and told him he would reevaluate his decision. The entire bus ride back he had felt like throwing up. When he went to sleep that night, he had realised why: He felt guilty about not feeling guilty. He felt relieved the engagmenet and relationship was over. 

This time, his fingers were steady as they pulled of the ring. Tomorrow, he would go back to the shop, get the money, and not look back. As he put the shimmering piece of jewelry into his backpack, if felt like a metaphorical and physical weight was lifted off of him. Yes, he repeated to himself, this was something he could deal with. 

He continues scrolling up and down on his phone for a few moments, reading names of classmates he has almost forgotten about. His dream of college suddenly seeming very far away. Harry’s not sure if he’s ever allowed to have something for himself again, after what he’s done. Deep down he knows that pursuing an education is not a dream he can let go of as easily as others. And then there he is. That one name he has been thinking about almost constantly for weeks and months. For plenty of different reasons at various different times. A name that carries weight and history with it. Moments Harry desperately wanted to forget for a while and others that keep replaying in his mind and dreams. 

James. James Nightingale. This whirlwind of a man who came into his life out of nowhere. A lawyer who made him feel things he had never felt before. Things he still doesn’t know how to categorize at points. The person who helped him through the period of this entire murder ordeal, covered and lied and manipulated for him. Threatened him too, in a way. And yet the one thing he has never felt around James is frightened. Confused, exhilarated and shocked? Yes. But never scared. It’s like there is some inner understanding between them that has existed from the start. Harry can feel himself flush just thinking about him, notices how he licks his lips and swallows more heavily. James had tried contacting him after their last interaction. He sent him simple texts, asking him if he was alright or wanted to talk. When no answer came from Harry, he tried calling a couple times. And then….then Harry blocked his number. Because Ste was out of prison and things were okay again and they were going to get married, right? That was the plan and James had absolutely no part in that equation. No part in Harry’s future. Then why did he keep thinking about him? How James helped him, comforted him physically and emotionally? Not just about how confident he was in court, but how soft his hands felt on his back when he was crying, how strong yet gentle his fingers felt on his shoulders as he stopped Harry from confessing. These clear and mysterious eyes looking right through him as he came over to stay for dinner with him and Tony. And late at night, when Harry is too tired too control his thoughts slipping away from him, he remembers the petal soft lips touching his, remembers warm breath tickling his nose and cheeks, soft linen underneath him in a bedroom he had never been in before and despite that feeling safe in someone’s arms. 

He felt attracted to James, of course he did. That in itself wasn’t a crime. That’s something he had felt ever since the older man had showed up in town at his father’s side trying to take the Hutch away from Ste completely. And despite initial animosity Harry could appreciate a nice face when he saw one. And then the two of them just somehow kept getting involved in different ways, over and over again. The guilt of some of these instances plagued Harry for a long time. Hurting anyone, let alone his boyfriend, was never his intention. Looking back at the situation though, Harry could admit that not all the blame can be put on him. Ste was almost a decade older him, never took responsibility for both of them ending up homeless and without money, put his education at risk, got involved with the police again and basically threatened to go back to drug dealing unless they found another solution. Yet somehow Harry ended up being the bad guy in his eyes. Maybe that’s another reason he had always felt connected to James. He never felt belittled or condescended around him. Like he had to proof himself. And maybe there was something bad and dark in both of them too. Now he realised he could finally stop covering up and fighting the fact that they were drawn to one another.

His heart started beating faster as he unblocked James’ number and carefully typed out a message, rereading his words like a school boy with a crush. 

-Hi. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring u. Can we talk? I understand if u don’t want to.-

Breathing deeply in and out, he hit send. Now he was just begging that he wouldn’t receive the silent treatment in return. He wanted to see James. Needed to. Not just because he knew about what Harry had done and they could be honest around one another… but because he didn’t look at Harry any differently. His phone vibrated within moments.

-It’s okay. Just glad you’re fine. Where are you? Do you feel like coming over to my place or meeting up somewhere else? I can pick you up somewhere if necessary. No problem.-

One simple answer and he already felt comforted. Like his saving grace was finally close again. Should he go to James’ place? Was anything implied with that? 

“Stop being stupid Harry.”, he muttered to himself. He knew James better by now. Knew that the whole smirking innuendo façade the lawyer had made himself known for all around town was just that – a façade. Sure, he liked playing games with people. People that didn’t matter to him. Harry liked to think he no longer belonged in that category. The way James looked at him at times….it had to mean something. He wanted to go to his apartment. It had a comforting, cozy atmosphere. Definitely chic and more expensive than anything he himself had ever lived in. One might feel out place in surroundings like that but having James’ sole attention and honest smile focused on him definitely helped. 

-Would love to come over. Be there in 10?- He hoped he didn’t sound too eager but he couldn’t help but be excited when thinking about seeing him again. He didn’t have to wait long for a reply. It seemed like the feeling was mutual. 

-Can’t wait - And well…That’s all it needed for a genuine smile to spread over Harry’s face for the first time in a long while. He shoved his phone in the back pocket of his jeans and quickly scrunched up his sleeping bag to stuff it into his green bag. Standing up with all of his current belongings slung over his shoulder, he looked at the makeshift cardboard bed and and the grey walls around him one last time with a sigh before leaving. He had a feeling he would not be coming back here tonight. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

He made his way to James’ apartment with quick steps, keeping his face turned to the ground. Not wanting to gain any unwanted attention. Ever since Amy’s death he felt like he had been watched and scrutinized. Like everyone would just have to peek at him and see the word guilty in bold red letters written on his forehead. He was pretty confident neither his dad nor Ste had told anyone else about what he had done. Yet at times he felt like the entire village was in on the secret, just waiting to call him out on it but also scared he would…snap at them. Harry hates thinking about himself like this. Like he’s capable of hurting someone. There’s a part inside of him that despite all evidence still refuses to believe he could get lost in such violence. 

As he arrived at James’ door he could feel a whole different form of nervousness pool in his stomach. He recognized the feeling from how he felt around Ste in the early stages of their relationship. Harry was a 19 year old man. He would absolutely, totally not call these emotions…butterflies. No chance. After one last deep breath to calm himself down once again, he knocked on the door. 

It was only a matter of seconds until James opened it. He stood there so casually in his clothes that would probably look ridiculous and uptight on plenty of other men. A dark blue turtleneck and tan chinos. The colors complemented him and Harry’s eyes travelled up from his buff chest to his face. He was greeted with a warm slight open smile and an expression that looked akin to relief and wonder. He could feel a flush building up on his neck. Damn it. Had he been caught staring? 

“Harry. Please, come in” Just to hear his name slip from James’ lips felt like heaven. Their eyes never left one another as Harry stepped into the flat. The door fell closed behind them and for a few heartbeats they just stood there basking in eachother’s presence. And then, suddenly, James hugged him. Out of nowhere. Or maybe he had seen it coming. That itch they both felt constantly. To get closer, to reach out. Touch. The older man had always been quite careful and tentative about initiating any physical contact after that first night they had spent together. Like he put the ball in Harry’s court, waiting for him to make a move.

“In a minute or two my inner gentleman will probably come out and apologize for being too forward but for now…I’m just glad to have you here Harry”. He felt the words whispered into the side of his neck and could imagine the goosebumps on his skin forming on that patch of skin. And oh…without even realising it he had started hugging back, the tip of his nose pressed into James’ shoulder. The heat and rhythm of their bodies, heartbeats and breaths felt like one cocoon of safety and warmth. He never wanted to let go. “I guess I can let it slide this one time.”, Harry cuckled in return. They both shook together in light laughter before James pulled back completely. He had to stop himself from making a whiny noise and asking for those hands back on him.  
“Here…let me just grab your bag and put it to the side while you make your pretty self comfortable on the couch” Harry tried to protest that that wasn’t necessary, he could carry his stuff himself but the other man wouldn’t hear any of it. There was that gentlemanly part, he smilingly thought. After stripping off his jacket and slinging it over the back of soft sofa, he sat down. And after more than enough time spent on hard cobble stones and rough grounds, this definitely was a nice change. 

James came towards him carrying two steaming cups and what smelled like ginger biscuits on a tray. “I hope you’re feeling peckish because I prepared a little something while you made your way over. My mother would be terribly disappointed if I didn’t put on my best host manners.” Again, Harry could feel his lips turning upwards. He took the drink offered to him and made his first sip. Some sort of herbal tea. It felt good running down his throat. Quite sweet. “So…as much as I like seeing you all comfy and relaxed on my couch…I feel like I should just ask to get it out of the way. Where have you been Harry? What happened? Are you in trouble?”

He looked at James and could see the genuine worry written all over his face. It used to baffle him. How James could care so much about him and his problems despite of the pain he had caused others. Maybe it was selfish of him but he was incredibly grateful for James’ obvious affection in situations like this. 

“My dad found out about the murder.” The last time Harry had talked about confessing, James had radiated off so much anger and panic that he still remembers how tight his hands had gripped him. But his fingers were shaking back then too. He knows James had geuninely been scared that at least one of them might end up in prison for what they had done. There is no blame to put there. Now though, James’ eyes are full of sympathy and gentleness. “Oh Harry…”, he started out quietly but got interrupted. “It was bound to happen from the start. I couldn’t let him hate Ste for it. I just…couldn’t.” He stopped for a second to look more directly at the lawyer. There is no judgement. Intense and understanding expressions crossing his handsome face. Before James could say something, he kept talking. “He got mad….I mean, of course he did. I think anyone would react that way.” 

Except you, he thought. You, who always had my back. “He kicked me out. Said he was ashamed of me. Didn’t want me near Diane or the kids anymore. And I get it, I do. No one wants a..a…someone like me as their son.” A murderer, he thought. A killer. He couldn’t bring the words to cross his lips but he saw the snarl of James’ upper lip and remembered how much he was against Harry calling himself those names. 

“I guess you and me both know a lot about that infamous unconditional parental love, huh?”  
The answer surprised him. Harry didn’t really know anything about James’ past or relationship with his family but he knew that the other man must have a reason for building up his walls and not letting them down around most people. He felt honored whenever he got a look at the real him. He wanted to peel it all back. Excited at the prospect of discovering more about this intriguing man. He could also relate. While Harry used to be a lot more introverted and…fake, mostly because of hiding his sexuality, he was till a pretty isolated person. It was easy enough for him to make friends and acquaintances but he rarely was his true, honest and vulnerable self. He had tried to open up to Ste and Tony but…sometimes even these two people closest to him didn’t seem to understand where he was coming from. 

“Yeah. You could say that. Either way it looks like the story between the two of us has come full circle. With me being homeless and you playing the knight in shining armor.” The words spilled out before Harry could stop them. Well shit. He didn’t mean for the whole thing to sound so…romantic. 

“I appreciate the compliment but don’t think I’m that easily distracted by some subtle seduction. You said you got kicked out? Want to share when exactly that happened and where you’ve been staying ever since?” 

“Well I did mention the word homeless which I meant quite literally. English student, remember?” The snarky approach gained him a raised eyebrow in return. “And…it’s definitely been a couple days. I don’t look like such a mess for no reason, you know.” 

“You look beautiful.” Harry couldn’t keep up the eye contact at that. A blush rising high on his cheeks, a knot forming in his throat. “You always do.” He released the breath he had been holding in. He’s trying to come up with an answer, something quirky to take the edge of seriousness off of the situation but it seems like James has the same idea. “Too forward again?” he asks. 

Harry looks back over to him, into his gorgeous expressive green eyes. The air between them heavy with electricity. “No.”, he answers in a whisper. “Never.” 

He watches the movement of James’ adam’s apple as the older man swallows heavily. “Good.”, he answers. The younger man mesmerizedly watches as the other wets his lips with his tongue. “Listen Harry….I know that the last time we saw eachother I wasn’t necessarily the most friendly version of myself but…I didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t come to me for help. I’m sorry about all of that. And I hope that I can earn your forgiveness.” 

“It’s okay. I just didn’t really feel like I deserved anyone’s help. Yours included.” That feeling still lingered inside of him as he sat there in the comfortability of James’ flat. But all the good emotions that came with being here and around the older man somehow overpowered anything else. 

“You do. You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m right beside you.” He paused. “Literally.” He continued with a wink and Harry couldn’t help but chuckle out loud this time. “And now that my evil master plan has worked out and I’ve lured you back into my lair …what do you wanna do?” There were sparks in James’ eyes, full of mischief, and Harry felt like hhe could see his own eyes shine with happiness in their reflection. 

“Well it would be an absolute shame to waste those cookies you so graciously offered. I haven’t even had the chance to taste them yet with all your serious chitchat.” He loved this banter that always came naturally between them. It was like he couldn’t get enough of it. 

“How rude of me.”

“Mhm. I also think being a good host would include letting me stay on this truly amazing couch for a couple hours to enjoy some crappy telly.” 

“That must be written down somewhere in the guide for English chivalry. I’ll look it up later. I’m pretty sure in the next paragraph it also says something about courting ceremonies and letting your chosen one stay at your place as long as they need to.” Harry bit his lip at the remark. He wasn’t used to being flirted with like that. It felt good. 

“Courting ceremonies, eh?” 

“Of course. Knight in shining armor, remember?” Laughter bubbled up both their throats and Harry hadn’t felt this light in weeks. 

“Well I would never dare to go against the chivalry code.” For a moment he stopped, trying to find a way to get back to the topic at hand. He never wanted to sound too presumptuous with coming in here and just hoping James would take him in like a stray dog. “No but really, this is ok, right? Me staying here for a bit until I’ve sorted out….all of this.” The other man was about to open his mouth but nervousness made Harry to babble away. “I mean..you really don’t owe me anything and I promise if you do say yes I won’t be an inconvenience. I’ll help out…do the dishes, hoovering, cleaning…whatever you want.” 

“Careful, Harry. Whatever I want is a big promise.” He could feel his face turning red but was delighted to see that sparkle in James’ eyes and the way his pink lips were basically in a constant smile now. “Now for a couple more seconds let me put on my seriouc voice again and tell you: You are more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need or want to. I don’t want anything in return. Your company is more than enough.” 

“Thank you. So much.” He answered sincerely, his voice more choked up than he anticipated. 

“You’re welcome. Now, how about we focus on that crappy telly part?” James grabbed the remote from the coffee table and leaned back as the tv got switched on. He looked ridiculously comfortable and Harry felt a strong urge to cuddle up to him. 

The screen showed a rerun of some of the classic Bake Off episodes. Definitley some guilty pleasure right up Harry’s street. There was something cathartic about being a bad cook and baker and seeing other people fail at the same tasks on television. 

“I don’t know if I should feel offended about this. Are you now referring to the national treasure of the Great British Bake Off as crappy telly?” The light mood finally made Harry lean back and completely relax as well after putting down his cup and finishing two delicious biskuits. 

“Is this going to be the final dealbreaker of our blooming relationship then?” Their shoulder were touching now and he could feel the heat radiating through his entire body from where their sweaters touched. 

“Relationship, eh? Careful James, that’s a big promise.” He teased right back. James gave him a beautifully mischievous uptilted smirk in return and cuddled further back into the couch.

The next two hours were spent right next to eachother, physically closer than they had been in a long while. And yet Harry still wanted more. Wanted James’ hands on him, wanted to snuggle his face into the crook of the other man’s neck that looked so temptingly inviting. 

Fuck it. He was just gonna do it. Today James had given him all the signs that he wanted him. And Harry wanted him in return. He was allowed to have this one thing for himself, wasn’t he? Slowly he lowered his head down onto the soft cashmere material of James’ jumper. His own heart was beating like crazy and he was pretty sure he stopped breathing for a second or two. 

But he could now smell James’ homely scent of sandalwood and slight vanilla and he already felt like bathing in it. The top part of the older man’s turtleneck tickled his nose slightly and Harry felt so indescribably good in that moment. It was like all the weight of the last few weeks had been lifted off his shoulders. 

“Is this okay?” He asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

“More than.” James answered with a soft voice and in return tucked his chin on top of Harry’s head. He could feel the lawyer’s warm breath on his face and thought…yes. 

This was more than okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope whoever ends up reading this enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing this silly thing that was never meant to turn out this long. Oops. 
> 
> Maybe this will encourage others to write for this pairing, which I know has a rather small (but awesome) fanbase. I myself will probably end up writing more for James or Harry, perhaps a flashback to that first time we never even got a glimpse at. 
> 
> Quick shoutout to jamesnightingales on tumblr because their blog is awesome and they got me back into the wholesome Jarry spirit. They also have a collection of all relevant scenes for this couple, if anyone is new to it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> Title from the lyrics of My boyfriend's back by Paris Bennet


End file.
